Dearest body,
It has been longer than I can remember since I spoke to you in this way, with respect, honesty, and acknowledgment. Too long since the softer, compassionate, and less judgemental version of me was creating the dialogue between us.
You have carried me through this journey since birth. My heart has never stopped beating, my lungs have never stopped breathing, and my wounds have never stopped healing. You are the most consistent thing I have ever known. Perhaps that is why I have taken you for granted.
Have I ever been satisfied with you?
When my mind is suffering, you always pay the price. I have looked at you in the mirror and invaded you with negative thoughts. I let criticism of your shape and size become a subconscious mantra, sifted into pictures I look back on, memories I have made, and intimate moments I have shared with lovers. I relentlessly requested for you to be smaller, and thinner - I thought that is what beauty was.
I wanted you to change entirely. I have gone to shameful lengths and desperate extremes to make that happen. I neglected you at the mercy of comparison. No matter how good you feel, I always allow your glory to be stripped away by wanting to be a little bit better.
I let my psychology obscure your voice. I reasoned with my mind and tried to intellectualise everything instead of following what was truly good for you. I forgot that my relationship with you is the conductor of all. For the times I kept you in, hid you away when we could have gone out and danced, laughed, and played, but my self-esteem got in the way.
I only had the ears to listen when it suited me, and when it didn't I would override your advice, and in the end, I always return, wishing I would have listened, and trusted, all along.
When I pause, I realise that you have never let me down. Every gut feeling was always right, every time I got sick because I had to slow down, every reaction to a food or a place or a person that was not for me, you were the first one to let me know. It was all you, speaking through my feelings, in your language.
Here's to our clean slate, our tabula rasa, to you taking the reins and telling me the next step to take. Here is too trusting that within my DNA, are thousands of years of wisdom accumulated from our ancestors that make me occur naturally. Here's to giving back for all you have given, trusting your advice, and making our way together from a place of negativity to a harmonious love story. It is no longer about a need to change, it's about adapting to you, and how I can nurture you like you were the most important thing I have. Treating you like without you I would not exist, move, eat, make love and experience this life journey with ease, health, and clarity... which you are.
What would your love letter to your body sound like?
Let me know either by writing one yourself. If you want to share then please send it to jamielouwellness@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.